(part two)
read part one: here.
continuing...
(ed. - really good insight below)
Talk a little more about times in your ministry you've felt like you been beaten up or maybe been beaten back to the middle or being neutral. I feel certain many, if not all, pastors have felt this type of push and pull. Is it your opinion that pastors are intended to be vanilla and that just isn't something they spend time on in seminary? Or is it more that any human has a tendency to back away from conflict if it's not something they are truly passionate about?
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I guess the answer is both/and. I definitely agree that every pastor has felt that tension and been faced with similar issues. If they haven’t, then they’ve never put themselves out there enough. The human tendency is definitely to pull away from conflict unless we are truly passionate about the issue. At least for most people. Some folks are just looking for a fight and some people are natural doormats. But, for the most of us I think we’ll stand up for the right issue, but would rather avoid conflict otherwise. The pastor is in an even trickier position. This is a relationship business. My whole universe revolves around building and growing relationships – between me and my congregants, me and the community, church members with each other, husbands and wives etc. Conflict will either grow (iron sharpens iron) or destroy relationships. The problem is that the vast majority of people in our culture don’t know how to handle conflict well. They perceive conflict as being personal. It’s not “you don’t like my opinion / agree with me on this issue” it’s “You don’t agree with me therefore you don’t like me.” So, the pastor is forced to decide, which issues are worth risking a relationship over? For a church that is struggling losing a relationship, in practical purposes, means losing numbers – dollars, seats in the pews, ministries, etc. People are our resource and we have to cultivate and protect that. I don’t always like it, but it’s reality. You wanted an inside look at being a pastor and there you go. A pastor with a large, growing, thriving church can say, “Let them walk out the door. Someone else will take their spot.” and they’re right. They’re not so concerned about what they say. But I’ve been in a church for 7 years now fighting tooth and nail for its existence. We’re in a much healthier place now, but I’ve run off plenty of people since I arrived over various issues. There are times I look through old directories and think, “How many people would we have in this church now if I could have kept my mouth shut?” And that’s not completely fair because some of the things I stood up for were worth fighting for. But, I try to be more careful and ask, “Is this worth falling on my sword for?” If not, stay silent and move on. I’m an opinionated person and that’s hard for me, but it’s the best interest of the church, and my best interest.
No one prepares you to be a pastor in seminary. Seminary trains you to be a theological expert or a religious professional. They teach you how to craft carefully worded sermons and perform flawless weddings and funerals. They teach you to exegete Hebrew and Greek scriptures and present your findings with eloquence. No one prepares you for the reality of the day-to-day life of a pastor. No one prepares you for living in a fishbowl, being on call 24/7/365, for being expected to be able to read minds, solve every conflict, answer every question, always be present, always be a shoulder to cry on, study and present awesome sermons and bible studies while at the same visiting all the old people, shut-ins, and sick. No one prepares you for the personal attacks you take when someone in your congregation feels wronged, of not being able to share what happened that day with your family because you don’t want to bias your wife or kids against that person who just spent 2 hours chewing you out. You deal with that long enough and some pastors get to the point where they just want to do what’s expected, keep their head down and mouth shut, and survive. I’m not at that point by any means. I’m not looking to survive. I want to thrive, but I have become much more careful through all of this about which battles I choose to enter.
You ask if pastors are intended to be vanilla. I don’t think it’s that. I think everyone wants their pastor to agree with them. People don’t want pastors to be neutral, they want them to be on their side. They want to be affirmed in their thinking. That’s why I think you end up with so many homogenous congregations. Either the pastor runs off all the ones who might disagree or the church (in a congregational polity system) chooses a pastor that fits them. In the UMC a “bad fit” won’t last more than a year or two before the Bishop yanks them. No pastor wants that because that’s a strike on their career record. We don’t want to end manning the proverbial radar station in the Alaskan wilderness. That career ladder mentality keeps a lot of UMC pastors vanilla. They go into churches with the mindset, I won’t rock the boat, I’ll do everything I’m “supposed” to, people will like me and in 3-4 years I’ll get “promoted” to the next highest steeple. It’s more about advancing my career than advancing God’s Kingdom. Maybe I’m revealing too many “insider” secrets here, but that’s the way it plays out in lot of cases. Not everyone, but certainly a large number. Jesus said we have to take up cross. That means sometimes follow him will be painful. None of us like that and some try to openly avoid it.
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I think my readers would love for you to throw a couple of your contemporaries under the bus. Would you like to name some names of Pastors in our conferece or yours that are only interested in the next, best appointment? ;)
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lol, I think I’ll keep that one on the inside. I will say this about it – it’s one of the side effects of our Methodist system. We train clergy to be religious professionals. We have to have masters degrees and extensive training so that professional, career-orientation over mission orientation can sometimes happen. Other denominations have different issues.
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That's the politician I've come to know and love. Fair enough. Let's get back to something you said in your previous comment. You said said seminary didn't prepare you to be on call 24/7/365. And yet, we've already joked about how much you seem to involve yourself in outside of your congregation. How have you made that happen?
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Ha! Only through insane attention to detail with my calendar and a great administrative assistant! Honestly, I’m so obsessive with my calendar I even pencil in appointments for my family. That way when I need to have family time and someone calls me I can, honestly, say “I already have an appointment” and not be tempted to surrender that time. 2006-2011 I had an awesome admin assistant which freed me up to do more because I didn’t have to worry about a lot of day-to-day stuff. 2012 I had a not so good one and my stress went through the roof. However, I know have a top tier admin assistant again and my stress levels are coming back down.
When I came to RSUMC I made an intentional choice that I had not made previously in my ministry. I’d say during my time at Huffman UMC and FUMC Huntsville I was much more inwardly focused. Most of what I did, I did for the church. Being an associate pastor I also had a lot less responsibility and freedom. To some degree at our church plant in Huntsville, and then definitely at RSUMC, I intentionally chose to be very outwardly focused. We didn’t have a building at Common Ground so you and I were both forced to be out in the community. But when I arrived at RSUMC I saw a dying, struggling church and I figured the only way to turn it around was to throw myself into the community, try to impact it as much as possible, and get RSUMC back on the map as a viable church in Millbrook. Renae and I talked about the sacrifices of time that would entail, but they paid off. I do an insane number of things to advance this church in the community but the church is now growing and pretty healthy. Some of the things I’ve picked up have been purely practical. My boys are getting older, they’re involved in sports now, I love sports, and if I’m going to have to be at all the practices anyway, I might as well get out there and coach and have the opportunity to impact more young lives. Plus, coaching is fun.
Keeping the schedule I have here has been really tough. But I chose it. When/if I move to a new church I’ll have to examine that situation and see what God calls me to there. It probably won’t be the insanity of what I’ve done here, but one lesson I’ve learned is I want and need to be out in the community. I don’t ever want to just be inwardly focused again.
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to be continued...
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